you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
