all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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