so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
