Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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