I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
