I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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