I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize