we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
