She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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