So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
