so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
