so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
