Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
