If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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