i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize