His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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