Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
