So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
