Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
