I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
