i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm like, not good at living.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
