we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
