The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
