they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
