Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
