I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
