just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
