I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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