so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
