I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
