Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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