The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
