remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
