your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
