What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
