Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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