I must be too annoying 4 u.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
