matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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