What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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