She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
