I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
