The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
