I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
