we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize