is your mom at the bar?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
