I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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