Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
