Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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