im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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