i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
