I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
