just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
