i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
