please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
