Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
