I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
