I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
