Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
