I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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