dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
