He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
