Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
