I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
