You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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