I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm passing your future prison.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
