so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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