the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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