thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
