Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
