His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
