No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
