Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
