You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
