I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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