The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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