Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
