they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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